The new Star Wars and why fans should be upset

If you’re like me and millions of other Americans, your anticipation for the new Star Wars film “The Force Awakens” could hardly be contained. We eagerly scoured the internet for predictions, reviews, and any information we could. Hell, many of us even teetered on the thought of buying that authentic stormtrooper outfit. From merchandising to advertising, it is undebatable that this is one of the most profitable movies ever to hit the big screen, and for good reason. The film that started it all, “Episode IV A New Hope,” created a cult following the likes have never been seen from a single movie. I think part of the reason that the original was so beloved was due to its originality and creativity. During a time when many Americans were looking up to the stars and truly feeling like they were closer than ever, Star Wars expanded our imaginations into that final frontier and instilled a sense of adventure that seemed to be absent in our monotonous society. Perhaps it was the desire to capture this feeling again that drew all those to the opening day of this new addition to the franchise, and I can honestly say that at least something will seem familiar in watching this movie. While the film certainly captured the “Star Wars” feel, it fell far, far away from its hype, which admittably still leaves it a fine movie since its hype was so high. However, fans of Star Wars who see this film should be upset for the following reasons.

 

**Spoilers Ahead**

 

1.) The movie’s plot:

The background is a futuristic society in a far away galaxy. A service droid is entrusted with some vital information before being abandoned on some desert planet. While being chased by an evil organization, the droid finds a force sensitive teen who has no parents and nowhere else to go or do. The droid and the teen then run into Han Solo who flies them to meet more allies. They later meet up with a rebel alliance who plan to use fighter ships to take out a large moon-like weapon that can destroy whole planets, which it ultimately demonstrates. The whole while, they are apprehended by an evil user of the force, wielding a red lightsaber, robed and masked in black, who is taking orders from a higher up. The rebels exploit the weapon’s weakness and blow it up, while a main character dies in front of the new protagonist.

Name that movie. This should seem like a no brainer, but after Dec. 17th, this actually describes two movies! This right here should be the number one complaint, that the “new” Star Wars film shares the same plot as the original film: “A New Hope.” While the movie’s plot was executed excellently, it relies on nostalgia over originality. This itself is fine for all those with an “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” philosophy, but I have a feeling that these people would be much more satisfied watching episode 4 on their VHS at home and are not likely amused by anything ever playing at a cinema anyway. Let’s admit it, we all were expecting something new and creative, not the same story all over again. Sure, some minute details are different, like the family relations, the sex of the main character, and that there’s even a black guy, but these don’t constitute an original plot. If so, “The Hangover 2” can be considered a completely revolutionary storyline never been done before. Personally, I can’t believe they tried to use the Death Star a THIRD time (the first two times worked so well, am I right). The point is, Disney wanted to go the safe and easy route by recycling a well-liked plot, perhaps to gain the trust of the audience after the generally disliked prequels. What an unbelievable insult to J.J. Abrams and the writers at Disney to think they cant learn from those mistakes an make a new, enjoyable plot. In fact, the movie made all this money with the plot being completely unknown anyway, so they didn’t save a dime doing it this way. This was a poor move on Disney and hopefully the last of the recycled plots we will see in the new franchise.

 

2.) The movie’s title:

“The Force Awakens.” Just like how many Star Wars fans were upset with the title of episode 1 “The Phantom Menance,” This title fails to do justice for the expectation of the film and in hindsight, is not very acurate either. While the word “awakens” does beckon to the fact that this is a new trilogy, this is a recycled movie plot and hardly “new,” being that it is the seventh movie in the franchise. So…what then? Was the force just asleep this whole time? Obviously it’s supposed to describe Rey who comes into her jedi powers in the movie, but she is actually far from absent of them in the begining. We see first off that she is able to understand BB-8, a beeping droid, instantly; a trait that for humans seems to only be found in the force sensitive, especially the skywalker family (remember Luke and R2-D2). She also is very familiar with the millennium falcon despite not having previously flown it, and was able to out-fly two TIE Fighters. Aye, the force is not asleep in her. The title could/should have been more dramatic or exciting.

3.) The villian:

In this movie, we see a new villian who will most likely be around for the remaining episodes in this trilogy. He has an awsome backstory, a fiendish obsession, and much hate within him, but somehow falls short of the villian that this new trilogy deserves. His soul is in constant struggle between the dark and light, making him weak-willed and short tempered at times. While Darth Vader may have some shoes to fill (for the audience and Kylo Ren), it’s clear that Disney’s intent was to make a villian who could easily change sides if they choose. The problem is, the more sympathy or pity you throw a bad guy, the less bad they become. While some don’t mind this fact, let’s remember why Vader is such a beloved villian. He is powerful, calm, and unquestionably evil. While he does go back to the light, that doesn’t take place till the end of the story where he needed to die anyway. Star Wars needs another character with these traits because we all love to hate someone, and without villians, there would be no conflict or story at all; we’d probably just be left with dancing ewoks. Aditionally, Adam Driver was probably one of the least intimidating people to be hired to play Kylo. Not to harsh his excellent acting in the film, but I can’t take him seriously with that 8th grade mustache and professor Snape’s hairdo.

4.) Captain Phasma:

We’ve known about this character for awhile from the movie’s marketing , but she gets, what, maybe a whole 2 minutes screen time  (don’t quote me on that). For a named character, she played almost no part in this movie. Hell, I would rather know the name/code of the storm trooper with the gravity hammer that fought Finn. Hopefully she will be a bigger character in the next films but yet again, an example of expectations that fell short.

5.) The First Order:

Ok, so there’s a new evil organization that replaced the Empire, I dig that. There obviously has to be some antagonist, but the truth of the matter is, this is NOT the Empire which we are familiar with. The First Order should not have nearly as many troops or resources as the now reestablished Republic which we would hope is supplying the Resistance. However, the Resistance seems no bigger, if not smaller than the old Rebellion Army which didn’t have a government to support them. And if the Republic didn’t supply the Resistance, then what the fuck are they doing? The First Order had built in the last 30 year a new fucking death star and they are just going to stay out of it!?!? If anything, the size difference between the old Empire and the Rebellion Army should have been reversed in this movie, and who knows, maybe they really are, but the Resistance sure was short of fighter pilots on that last assault.

 

I believe that the above criticisms of the new Star Wars film are both acurate  and deserving. Furthermore, they alone should be enough for the Star Wars fans to be upset with the new film. Many critic and fans seem to place this new movie on a pedestal that it really doesn’t deserve. This is probably due to that, as a “cult following,” many fans put on rose colored glasses before and after leaving the theater, enthralled in the nostalgia of seeing their beloved Star Wars with the stunning CGI scenes it deserves. That being said, by no means did I dislike the film, and definitely believe it is worth the ticket price. I was entertained, just slightly disappointed at the same time. In keeping to this post’s topic, I have yet to describe what I enjoyed about the film and what Disney did right, which whould probably make a list just as long if not longer than this one. Personally, I believe Rey has the makings to become  my favorite jedi yet, and I can’t wait to see who her father really is and her whole back story. In all, I give the film a 7/10. To sum up, the film had its flaws, but mainly due to it’s expectations being too high to realistically deliver on. Thanks for reading and hopefully you found my post insightful.

The Lego Movie review

I feel quite safe in saying that any childhood memory of Legos is always positive. Everyone with an imagination and these colorful blocks literally build worlds, universes, crazy vehicles, people and awsome stories the likes of which would inspire, captivate, and bring joy for many. It is for this reason that I embarked to see the Lego Movie, despite my older age. I can assure you this, however: I was far from disappointed. Everything truly is awesome in this sure to become classic animated film in which the fun literally never stops. Comedy, romance, and enough action to satisfy lovers of literally any movie genera (there is even a western scene), this movie is sure to do anything but disapoint. Whilst I don’t want to spoil any parts, I will say that the movie is outstandingly funny, and is sure to make laugh people of all ages, guaranteed. In addition, it holds an outstanding voice cast which includes (but is not limited to): Morgan Freeman, Hugh Jackman, Charlie Day, Liam Neeson, and even Shaq! Whilst sporting such comedic dialog as you will be repeating all year, the movie’s story and morals will make you remember how you felt building that spaceship or skyscraper as a child. This film teaches us to not strive for uniformity, but to build with our hearts and not the instruction booklet. Everyone is special and can change the universe if you believe in yourself. This is why I fell in love with this movie, because its morals are not cliché and truly do inspire. If you want to fall in love with Legos all over again and have a few laughs along the way, this movie cannot be understated.

All in all, I give it a 9/10 for animated films and a solid 7/10 for all films. Go see this movie!

Until next time, I’m Edward Plaza; “And Theeerrres the Ball!”

Roofus the Rambunctious Rutabaga

Farmer Bard had a very amiable farm which resided in a quaint county at the zenith of a hill. This farm had been family owned for generations and had continuously remained quiet, tranquil, and pious. O and you would be staggered by the assortment of fine vegetables and critters that were raised here. Among the many acres lay a small patch, no more than 100 square cubits, where rutabagas are born. Some may ask the significance of clearly the most boring of roots to this peaceful little spot of Eden. Well if you quit your bitching, I’ll tell you. Twas a warm summer evening when Linda Rutabaga gave birth to Roofus, a queer fella even for a vegetable. In his younger days, he would play same as the other children folk, but he soon learned that he never quite fit in. You see, Roofus was…rambunctious, a quality never given to Rutabaga, at least not in this county. Quite exuberant and vulgar was the speech of Roofus. “Farmer damn It! Can a motherfucking veggie get a drop of booze once and a while!” he would say. Often he would run far from his safe patch and cause mischief with other plants, the worse of which were the Buddhist carrots. “Hey, ya orange dicks!” he would scream. “I got something for ya” and he would pelt them with mayonnaise and exclaim a statement such as they were ejaculating. Quite decrepit to say the least is all this mayhem as I’m sure you, my sophisticated audience, will agree. Now, despite these horrid undertakings, rutabagas are not the kind to abandon their kin, so they accepted Roofus, though most would not associate with him. “I’m now into interspecies sex” was one of Roofus’s claims one evening. “I wana fuck the farmer’s daughter!” This, of course, was a declaration of defiance to the farmer’s hand, and ye know that “thou shalt not muzzle the ox when he treadeth out the corn.” The rutabagas had no choice but to cast out Roofus and let him be, but the audacity, the ignorance of the kindred people would leave Roofus in quite a state. He took it to himself to make a score with Laudia, the farmer’s daughter. Our rotund deviant thus snuck into Laudia’s bedroom one night and set his eyes on the lass and moved his vines slowly and deviously into Laudia’s purse and snatched her prized pink flower and made off in the night. With this flower, he pollinated so hard that bees everywhere would have quite an arduous vocation about them. Wait…are you saying that you assumed Roofus was going to undergo coitus with Laudia? Don’t be absurd! Roofus is a plant and therefore has no penis so how on Earth did you imagine that would happen? I mean really, grow up! Anyway, in our present temporal state, whilst you as well as I lay comfortable by the fireplace sipping our brandy and wiping our monocles, Roofus undertook the dainty career of “futon salesman” and happens to own the second largest futon distributor in Alexander County, NC. Well, now you know of the plight of Roofus and hopefully you learned something too.

Until next time, I’m Edward Plaza; “And Theeerrres the Ball!”

Who would win: Grizzly Bear vs. Nile Crocodile

Deep inside the testicles of every male burns the awesome desire to witness Earth’s destructive forces clash into magnificent cataclysm. The American Grizzly bear: one of nature’s apex killing machines and the most feared of all mammals! With an average weight of 800 pounds and length of 8 feet, these monsters have no problem standing up to anything that crosses their path. Their weapons: 5 inch long curved claws, a mouth sporting 2 inch teeth and a bite force of about 1160 lbs/sq(in) [humans have about 100]. The bear also sports a thick hide of fur and fat, granting it a commendable defense. That’s not all, though, for evolution has made grizzly bears poor predators (they rarely go after large prey). Instead, they are adapted to digging tough soil and climbing trees with massive shoulder and arm muscles. In fact, in 19th century California, fights were established pitting grizzlies against bulls and lions. In every case, the grizzly crushed their skulls in a single blow!

In the other corner we find the Nile crocodile, an apex beast which nature has deemed so perfect that it has been virtually unchanged for millions of years. At an average 16 feet and 500 pounds, this monster has no trouble grabbing zebras, humans, and any other creature dumb enough to enter its domain. The croc is a stealth predator which lays in water, virtually invisible and motionless, yet is able to move with such speed as to grab skittish antelope before their knowing. Most reptiles have tough scales and this is especially true of crocodilians. While better armored than the bear, the crocodile has only one weapon: its jaws. Actually, the Nile crocodile needs no other tool because it has the strongest bite force on the planet known at over 5000 lbs/sq(in)! In addition, they are strong enough to pull prey weighing over a ton into the water and holding them under.

Both of these destroyers are easily considered among Earth’s top killing machines, yet when pitted against each other, only one can come out alive. In all fairness, each are a master of their own domain, being that almost 100% of the time, a croc out of water will lose and a croc in water will win (due to nature’s design). However, I’m removing this habitat advantage and considering the data as opposed to actually imagining a fight between the two which would never occur in nature. Due to the massive bite force of the crocodile, a good bite to the bear would mean victory. That is to say, a good bite. The bear is faster on land than the crocodile is in water, although the crocodile has more agile neck muscles. The bear can’t hope to call victory by mean of biting or cutting due to the crocodile’s skin, so this truly is a match with each side only able to utilize one tactic: the crocodile tries to land a bite while the bear must be able to hit the croc with the full force of its arms. The croc, however, is more prone to remain still and defensive due to its nature. The bear can try attacking from behind, though the long body of the croc means that the bear would only have access to the tail, a rather useless target. However, because the bear has legs which it can utilize for the offensive and defensive, it provides the creature with an advantage. A head on attack by the bear would certainly result in a terrible wound, but perhaps the croc grabs too much fat at fails at a distinguishable blow. The battle would be over soon, because the bear would bite and strike the crocs head, though the position of the crocs head would be difficult to strike while at least part of the bear is bitten. Both animals have incredible strengths and advantages, but only one can win.

It is my personal opinion based on the data that (minus the environment advantages/disadvantages) that the Grizzly bear will win 6/10 times against the croc. However, remember that 100% of the time the croc will win in the water; it’s an apex predator of its environment. The sheer strength of both animals should not be underestimated. The bear, however, has more weapons and speed. Even though the croc is stronger than the bear, the bear can more easily utilize its strength because they are contained in versitile appendages. It was not an easy decision but it is one that I feel is correct.

Bioshock review (Spoiler Alert)

Anyone who has been on the “gaming scene” in recent years will probably recognize the title of this award winning dynamo of a console game. For a good deal of others, this game is more than a title, but a gold medal on their game rack. Bioshock was originally released in 2007 for the Xbox 360 and ever since has received multitudinous awards and praise from multiple sources and has spurred 2 sequels. Why is this game so good? It’s no secret to the many who have played, that the unique game mechanics and captivating story draw players in for more, kind of like a Snicker’s tree (if your into that sort of thing). Personally, I cannot stop singing the praise of this game. As many will tell you, the artistry and score entailed represent not only a masterpiece in itself, but a forerunner for game concepts to come; this game will be used as a universal comparison for future games. Now I know there are a fair few people who care little about storyline, but this game takes the cake in excellence for that category (imagine a cake created by the collaborated efforts of 10,069 chefs and a mile high with a lake of frosting: that cake). Bioshock is known for getting into the “nitty-gritty” with explanations for basically all its concepts and characters. Much of the story can be credited to the works of both Ayn Rand and George Orwell. If given the time, players will wrap their minds around a captivating and dark world which plays off imagination and fear. Ok, the game takes place in city built at the bottom of the ocean as sort of a cultural and scientific playground with no rules, just free enterprise. However, this utopia soon falls into chaos due to over-exploitation of radical ideologies. In addition, biological enhancements grant inhabitants wondrous abilities, but at the cost of their sanity. Interested yet? Well to top it off, the bio-drug known as ADAM is collected and harbored in young, hypnotized girls protected by the most badass bouncers of all time, Big daddies: hypnotized inmates sporting huge, specialized diver suits. Let’s just think of them as the worst nightmare for a pedophile. Your character mysteriously arrives there after a plane crash and has the sole purpose of escaping, or so you think. Bioshock is almost certainly a game to will want to play again and again despite its long campaign. Now, would you kindly go play the game if you haven’t already and remember 1 thing: A man chooses, a slave obeys.

This game well deserves a 10/10

Iron Man 3 review (spoiler alert)

Ok, so I’m guessing most people had good expectations for Iron Man 3 due to the popularity and success of both Iron Man 1 and The Avengers. Sorry to all those who were hoping for a “blockbuster great,” but this movie was basically shit for a couple of reasons. First and foremost was the expectation and misleading use of the trailers. Our hopes were up and then like the feces of a pigeon, came crashing down about halfway through. Let’s now talk specific plot holes and retarded (sorry, I mean SPECIAL) scenes. To start, Tony stark basically has all these suits, yet only uses one throughout the whole movie and while it is the latest edition supposedly, It almost never works. Aside from that, He apparently has a bunch of other suits that can run themselves (technically by Jarvis) and while I can see how others would find this tidbit “cool,” I find it very absurd and farfetched to say the least. Why? Because he seems to have and endless supply of them and this whole idea takes away some of the glory of the original Iron Man utilized by Tony. If he has all these suits, what is the point of even manning one (think about it)? Next, and this is probably the worst of all, the Mandarin isn’t even the villain like we were all led to believe. The character in the previews is a short, wise cracking British drug addict who is not only pitiful, but way too goofy. Who is the enemy you ask? It’s some dumb company called AIM (which admittedly is based on the comics). Here’s the kicker: the boss can make his body really hot and breathe fire. Also he can regenerate himself. To top it off, he has a bunch of henchmen who can do the same. Now what was the point of having a fake Mandarin in the plot when I’m sure we were all anticipating a badass terrorist? Perhaps Marvel wanted a more believable enemy (10 magic rings from outer space are a little farfetched, right?). O, forgive me for finding a fire-breathing CEO much more believable. All in all, the writers and the director didn’t take this movie very seriously. We all can agree, hopefully, that a bit of comedy is great for action movies to liven up the mood. This movie almost sets out to be a complete comedy, however. In short, the movie wasn’t serious as a good action should be. Well what about the climax scene? There was very pitiful fighting and basically none by Tony or Iron Patriot (this character could have been taken out entirely and no one would care). In the end, Tony gets his shrapnel taken out. WTF! So this whole time he didn’t even need that damn arc reactor which made such a big deal in Iron Man 2!?! Anyway, I suppose that this movie will be seen by all those who know what to expect anyway seeing as 1.) They won’t believe the reviews or 2.) It doesn’t matter: you have to see Iron Man 3 to get caught up for the Avengers 2, right? Well go see it for yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

All in all, I give it a 6/10